“Along a dried-up stretch of river, somewhere in the east
of Cist, lies a dilapidated fishing town named Grim.
Once a shining jewel of Cist, now its only exports are
salty bones from the marsh and rowdy songs about fish and piss.
The inhabitants of Grim are locked in a perpetual
war with their neighbours in nearby Cleg; a war
waged primarily through lazily hurled insults (and the occasional gnarled carrot).
Dare you attempt to seek your fortune in the ruins
of Grim? Gather your compatriots, and raise your
wretched regiments in reverence to the root!”
On Sunday 3rd September 2023, as the late summer sun beat down on a weary town; 12 warriors travelled onto Grimsby Docks ready to face their biggest challenge yet. But who would be crowned Chief Toff?
During the event, each participant engaged in a series of five games, punctuated by a lunch break. The morning session commenced with everyone taking part in ‘A Long March’, followed by ‘Trouble in the Fog’. After lunch, the six tables were reconfigured into three distinct missions: ‘The Beast of Boddlin Moor’, ‘Gone Fishing’, and ‘The Siege of Piss Castle,’ which was a creatively adapted version of ‘Grave Matters’.
Throughout the day, players closely observed each other’s regiments, as they contemplated their top choice for the awards ceremony at the conclusion of the day. Additionally, they considered their favourite opponent, who was also eligible for a prize.
After all the games concluded, the scores were meticulously calculated, taking into account not only victories and defeats but also mishaps like losing snobs to treacherous terrain, accumulating panic, and the most hilariously bizarre turn of events. Surprisingly, the ultimate winner emerged as a tie, and the tiebreaker was settled in the time-honoured fashion: a ceremonial Toff-Off atop a small hill. Every attendee received prizes, and among the standout awards was the one presented to the “winner” of the last place, a remarkable kitbashed tank crafted by the finalist who had secured the bottom spot at TurnipCon in May.
Martyn emerged victorious in the Toff-Off and was bestowed with the title of Chief Toff of Turnip on the Docks 2023, narrowly edging out Ben, who secured the accolade for Best Opponent and received the Piss Castle scenery as a memento. Adam earned recognition for the Coolest Army, while Antony claimed the last-place prize.